UnNews:Google states stalking users is valuable to the company's future
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Google states stalking users is valuable to the company's future
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, June 28, 2016, 06:11:UTC)(
3 May 2011
MOUNTAIN VIEW, California -- Google has announced that your location is extremely valuable to them. Yes, you, the everyday consumer. Google, a project two college nerds started in a basement, has grown to be able to stalk anyone who has a computer, phone, or any relevant piece of technology. Some guy who did stuff decided it would be in his interest to file a lawsuit against Google, who has his and everyone else who has used their search engine's personal information including IP address and home address and phone number as well as every search they have ever conducted on Google, in a computer in the Google HQ in Mountain View. Google has stated that in this new modern world, privacy is not an issue and Google should see everything people do, right down to taking a shit. Google has announced a new app their HQ will use, called Google Stalker, to be able to call the authorities should you be doing anything suspicious. Google CEO Larry Page said on Google Stalker,
|“|| I feel that this will lead to the arrest of many criminals and middle-aged men doing suspicious things with our search engine. Now, I feel that some may equate Google to the KGB due to this new measure, or call Google Big Brother, but may I remind these skeptics Google is a company and you don't have to use our services. You can use ||”|
Google has applied Google Stalker on every computer and product in America, and other developed parts of the world, and want to execute many more measures to make sure Google will keep the world safe from evil doers.
The U.S. Government has approved Google as the lead safety keeper on the Internet. John Ranchfield of the Feds said,
|“||We will cooperate with Google to keep privacy out of America. It is our duty to undermine the Constitution and to keep the evil pr0n doers at bay in our system of law. Please help us and make this country a safer place, Google!||”|
- ↑ Google owns them too