UnNews:Google Earth 5.0 With Ocean Released; Ocean is Full of Water, Fish Discovered, Boats Discovered, Atlantis Discovered
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Google Earth 5.0 With Ocean Released; Ocean is Full of Water, Fish Discovered, Boats Discovered, Atlantis Discovered
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, May 24, 2016, 06:04:UTC)(
11 February 2009
SAN FRANCISCO, USA- The search engine, money-grabbing, megalomania company Google has made multiple and creditable discoveries that acknowledge the true geography of the planet upon the release of 'Google Ocean' - which allows users to explore the seven seas of the earth - all at once.
"It's incredible" Google CEO Eric Schmidt said at the introduction of the Google Earth program that has now set sail for unknown shores, "Before this brand new version of Google Earth was even thought of, the ocean was just some kind of great mystery. We had so many questions. Why is it blue? Why is it wet? Are there, like, things in it? Will we ever find the answer to our questions?"
A staggering 70% of the planet consists of the endless boundaries of water we call the 'sea', and yet 0% has ever been explored by man, despite discovering 100% of the 30% part of the planet that is dry land. Google Earth 5.0, or Google Ocean, covers every nook and cranny of the world underwater, revealing some astonishing discoveries that proved Google Ocean will surely not sink to the bottom any time soon.
"With Google Ocean, we can answer these questions. In fact, we can present more answers than you can questions." the CEO smirked.
Eric Schmidt had the highly interested press at his feet. A clever smug, a tap on his spectacles and he relinquished his position. "Fish. Boats. Pirates. Lots of blue stuff. Even an entire lost city, called Atlantis. Who knew what was under the water the whole time?"
When the Google team first sent the cameras underwater to explore, they initially believed they could smell something fishy when a shark swam past the lens. After weeks of consultation with a local marina they finally got the response they were looking for from the marine biologist at the site called back with: "Uh yeah, that's a fish, I guess. Can I have my lunch now?"
The testing of the waters with Google 5.0 proved successful and is now ready for release to the explorers-to-be in the public, Eric Schmidt continues: "I can still hardly believe it myself, even now. The surface of the water makes a sound when an object goes in and out, like a splashly kind of noise. There are things, called 'boats', that float on the surface without going under, even though the sea is too soft to walk on! Oh, oh - and the pirates!", he paused to take out his inhaler, "- the pirates, guys! They took out all the bits and pieces from the Google cameras, but guys, they were awesome!" He timed out to take in a few breaths. "But yeah, I've never seen the like before."
When asked if Schmidt himself was asked if he'd visit the ocean personally, rather than from the confines from his computer, he responded with: "Gee, I don't know. That'd mean having to go outside and everything! That just gives me the creeps..."