UnNews:Godot arrives, explains Euroipods debacle
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Godot arrives, explains Euroipods debacle
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, July 7, 2015, 18:18:UTC)(
2 December 2006
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Euroipods: Day 365
Uncyclopedia HQ, midnight: serial slowmo Godot arrived just seconds short of the second December, a short day in a month predicted to drag on longer than seems natural thanks to the unnatural influence of Euroipods.
"I would have been here earlier," said the po-faced latecoming party-spoiler, "but I was up all night reading through a buggering year of cocktrot flamewars and dick-waving rantology." He then disappeared inside the building, surrounded by the slow-witted and overly genial friends who had invited him to settle the dispute, somewhat foresightedly, circa 1948.
One man who isn't expecting a resolution anytime soon is Godot's long-time acquaintance, Sam Beckett. Our reporters caught up with him today, and after he explained that he would have the money he owed them by Thursday, they let him go, but told him to keep his time-traveling tomfoolery to a minimum. In a written statement released late yesterday evening, Beckett said:
"Y'all had it up to here with this 'Let's settle Euroipods' bullshit. Ain't gon' pay no more money to you UnNews bizzles neither. Listen, fool, Nin is underage, so this ain't no more than cyber-bullying. Or child abuse, G. Either way, ain't gon stop on no internets. S'whut tha internets is for, playa."
All parties in the ongoing dispute were available for comment, but everyone else had decided to try and make ED into a worthwhile site instead, so there was really no point copy-pasting it all again.