UnNews:God to Pick an Evil Defense
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God to Pick an Evil Defense
Straight talk, from straight faces
Monday, May 1, 2017, 02:35:UTC)(
In an updated press release dedicated to God's recent admission of responsibility for Hurricane Katrina, it has been discovered that God plans on hiring a very notable defense attorney. Some experts were speculating that the "Almighty" might call upon Johnny Cochran, and it was also mentioned that former "President Bill Clinton" was considering dusting off his law books and offering a pro bono defense for his "close personal friend." Insider rumors tell us that the former President was alleged to making an under the table deal with "God" if a certain Senator named Hillary accidentally disappeared, forever. However, in a press conference yesterday, God made no mention of Mr. Clinton as part of his defense council. Rather, the prestigious lead council of defense role was given to "S. Lucifer Devil", the Senior partner of "Principalities, Powers, and Rulers of Darkness."
This is a notable case, probably the most historic event since the trial and execution of God's Son, Jesus Christ, a little over 2,000 years ago. In that trial Mr. S.L. Devil was a successful young prosecutor, which led to the beginning of his private practice. Unfortunately, he received some embarrassing bad press when God resurrected His Son from the dead, and made a deal to forgive the sins of mankind for all time. However, not wanting to push His luck, Jesus Christ fled the Universe to seek refuge in his home town, Heaven. So there has been bad blood between Mr. Devil and God since that time. These events are particularly why this news comes as such a surprise to most. Despite the shock experts predict that God has a solid chance of getting off with an incredibly light sentence, but what can be expected with a celebrity of His notariety.
The prosecution seems to be a little worried and declined to comment on the accused choice of Council. Recently uncovered court documents state the "God" is using the temporary insanity line of defense. Several expert witnesses are expected be called on behalf of "God" including some possibly being raised from the dead just for this special occassion. The reason why S.L. Devil has a agreed to try and get God off the hook remains unclear. Yet, many speculate that God made a deal with Mr. Devil agreeing to let him come and visit heaven and taking it a little bit easier on him during Armageden, possibly even aggreeing to a peace treaty. A development of this historical significance could be what we see in the next few weeks.
God is currently being held without bail, but is said to be cooperative by authorities. Many are still worried of further incidents still occurring. It is rumored that God has many outside resources, with which to influence overall global events. President Bush might even consider a pardon out of goodwill for God taking the fall and getting all the bad press away from the White House. We will have more on this story as it develops.
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