UnNews:God sues for copyright infringement
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God sues for copyright infringement
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Monday, May 25, 2015, 01:36 (UTC)
1 October 2009
THE PANPOOPTICON, Heaven -- The Supreme Creator of the Universe has filed a class action suit against various scientific research institutions for copyright infringement. The criminal act in question is cloning. Cloning of anything.
In suit THE LORD AND HIS HEAVENLY HOST vs. THE HUMAN RACE filed late this morning, God alleges outright theft of His method of creation. "I don't roll dice, and I never gave permission to any of my creatures to mess with genomes", said Yahweh at a hastily convened press conference at Cote d'Azur
The horticultural industry has been hardest hit with millions of clone plants created by cuttings pointed to by God as "blatant rip-offs". He added "I swear to Me, I create the universe with all these plants and animals and then the first thing you lot do is go around making copies and sharing them with all your friends, it's immoral."
The United States Supreme Court are taking God's suit seriously but are unsure whether it falls under their jurisdiction. Meanwhile the cloners lead by Jurassic Park founder John Hammond have launched a protest against the suit claiming God's copyright licence expired thousands of years ago and moreover He gave no warning to biological "pirates". God quickly pointed out Irelands potato famine of 1845, "I'd call that a pretty decent warning" said God. When the cloners pressed God on the issue of copyright expiration God sent a swift and to the point rebuttal in the form of a highly localized thunderstorm centered on Hammond's forehead.
Judges have urged God to come to earth to present his case directly, however God has been wary of the rumored 2,391,421 murder charges which may be brought against Him so has so far declined to appear. And that includes the JFK assassination.
The Record Industry Association of America have come out in support of God saying "it is about time someone had the guts to stand up to copyright thieves". God however has distanced himself from the group, saying "I thank the recording industry for their support but I don't want to be associated with people who sue solo mums for all they're worth."