God gets pissed off over European Atheist and Secular Humanism Blows up Volcano in his anger
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Sunday, October 4, 2015, 11:57:UTC)(
16 April 2010
Europe, Iceland, Darlek
Europe and the EU have been mocking God and his many religions and followers. Replacing religion with secular humanism and converting religious people into atheists, agnostics, and secular humorists. Despite the warnings that ruined the EU economy, God got so mad that he blew up a volcano in Iceland to prove that he does exist as well as is so pissed off that some heathen sinners are going to have to pay via smoke and ash that stops jet planes from working by fusing silicon based obsidian particles that when entering a jet engine turn to black glass and fuse the engine so it don't work and the jet stops flying and crashes. God used his 15 billion year old volcano technology to stop 21st century jet planes from working. "Try to fly to Northern Europe now, heathens!" God laughed.
It seems that Richard Dawkins made another one of his anti-God rants and said "If God really does exist, then he'd blow up a volcano in Northern Europe to prove it." Richard Dawkins was so shocked that this really happened that he shat his pants and then prayed to a God he didn't believe in not to set off more volcanoes and other stuff and apologized for calling God names like "The Invisible Sky Giant", "Killy McGee", "Earth's Absentee Landlord", and even "Meathead".
Scientology got shocked that God stole their volcano idea and tried to sue God for copyright infringement with a horde of lawyers, but God struck down dead every one of those lawyers using his Angel of Death to do so as he did in Moses' time to the Egyptians. Then God made a public announcement "Scientologists, where is your L. Ron Hubbard now? Oh that's right I sent him to Hell after he died like I'll do with the rest of you."
Jesus was quoted as saying "Ah me, not this stuff again. Calm down Dad, watch some movies or play some music, it is alright they are just sinners and not like you at all. Just lay off the smiting stuff for a while."
Jesus' Mother, the Virgin Mary was able to calm God down before he did even more stuff. She said "Remember you sent our son Jesus to die for their sins so they can be forgiven. Forgive them Lord for they know not what they do."
God then apologized but said "I hope this teaches humanity a lesson about who is really in charge on the universe! The name is God, the one and only true God, I have many names but it is God to you. Now don't make me come down there and kick your asses, humanity better behave itself or else there will be a judgment day coming soon!"
- Alex Grim "Volcanic ash causes Europe flight disruptions to worsen". USA Today, April 16, 2010