UnNews:God drops stuffed rabbit
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God drops stuffed rabbit
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, October 13, 2015, 08:14:UTC)(
3 April 2008
God is real! One, at least.
Earlier this morning, Thor dropped his favourite stuffed animal, Mr. Bunny, on dozens of innocent villagers in the small mountain town of Bukkake, Zimbabwe. One anonymous villager, whose leg was broken in 3 places, said "It hurts like a BITCH!," with a heavily Zimbabwean accent. He is now in a hospital waiting to be released. The medical staff is disinclined to do so, as they see the advantage in treating a patient who was hurt by Thor. "If we can blackmail Thor, we may land a man on the moon!" says some Zimbabwean native.
Thirteen people escaped unharmed, four died as Mr. Bunny fell on them, and the brains of twenty more exploded when they heard the crash and subsequent screaming. Mr. Bunny is now a tourist attraction, and several voyages into his interior have been undertaken. Some of them discovered internal organs, but nobody can decide why a toy rabbit needs them. Some believe it is due to the large amount of fluff being consumed by all toy animals and others believe that it is in order to invent cold fusion but it remains a moot point. More importantly, a Jack Russell Terrier peed on him, causing a chain of events that led to the first major dog fight in history.
A little girl ran to it and embraced the 200 foot bunny, as it is also a sign of adoration by young children. A security bunny, if you will. Some have security blankets, and some have teddy bears. But this little girl is going to sleep under the stars. She claims that she wished for a big present for her birthday, as she is turning four. She got her wish.
Atheist views on the subject vary. Some refuse to accept the simple fact that they have been wrong all along, and try to find natural explanations for the Bukkake Rabbit Incident. Their theories range from freak thunderstorms to pranking tourists to alien interference. James M. Stevenson is one of the few atheists are happy with this turn of events. "I mean, I wouldn't want to believe in some old gramps who sets a bunch of rules and doesn't even bother going around smiting people who disobey. But this, I can just imagine a five-year old, fine, the divine equivalent of a five-year-old, dropping his toy rabbit." It is interesting to note that this incident turned many religious people agnostic, as they do not wish to believe in either a child or a prankster.
What will Thor drop next? Some speculate that Thor will drop the f-bomb.