UnNews:God Hates Uncyclopedia says local church
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God Hates Uncyclopedia says local church
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, January 24, 2017, 03:08:UTC)(
22 October 2011
Los Angeles, Kaliphornia -- Here I am standing at a familar site of last nights frantic event when a local Christian group named God's Bitches who recently blamed Kellogs Brand Cereal for being the Antichrist arose from the ashes and blamed Uncyclopedia for being the Antiantinegativechrist which is supposedly will bring the end to majorities.The Leader of the group Sister Maria said "God hates Uncyclopedia because you for being the antiantinegativechrist". The Group blamed Uncyclopedia for all the bad stuff in the world and the following reasons: for not believing in God, for being a sinful site who actually wants kids to grow up being like Adolf Hitler,and lastly for saying God is an Atheist which he is not said.Uncyclopedia birth mother/founder User:Chronarion replied "You just made that up five minutes ago".Gods Bitches replied "No we didn't" and a small but powerful aguement ensured even to the point where the S.W.A.T team to be deployed!Sometime later Uncyclopedia and Gods Bitches where put on Trial called "The biggest trial since the O.J Simpson case" it was viewed in every American,European,Russian,and Arabic household for five weeks stated by World News Today.Due to the trial many guerrilla movements begin resulting in bloody riots in countries such as China,Egypt,Mexico,and even India.Back on the trial 23 lawers where defending Uncyclopedia and 7 lawyers defending Gods Bitches as we walk in the court room Security was pulled in to arrest Gods Bitches leader "Father Steve Butfocker" for stabbing Uncyclopedian Founder Chronarion with a cross.Eight weeks later the forty-fith court date was schedule and God's Bitches where given one last chance from being sentenced to watch Cartoon Network.The Judge replied "God's Bitches told Uncyclopedia that they where the antiantinegativechrist and Uncyclopedia yelled at them No where not!trust me its hell in there!".After a month of appearing in court the case was going to be a National conflict as it caused deaths of 260 people who died in a severe 56 car pile up who where watching it on there Iphones and the rest where bystanders who died of an explosion caused a oil tanker.The trial was finally coming to an end and Gods bitches where sentenced for 250 years in Quantamino bay and finally the dust settled and Uncyclopedia was prospering.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|