UnNews:God's cronies captured
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God's cronies captured
Your A.D.D. news outl — Oooh, look at the pictures!
Sunday, December 4, 2016, 16:38:UTC)(
In a raid last night, three henchmen working for God were captured. The three are currently being held in Guantanamo Bay, suspected of creating the vicious Hurricanes Katrina and Rita. In a press conference, their lawyers reported that God had threatened to send their families to hell if they didn't carry out the attacks.
The three are all dead Frenchmen who, up until this point, had lived productive lives in Heaven. It is believed they all worked as accountants for God, which is how they came to be in his service.
God has currently gone into hiding with good friend Saint Peter, but an inside informant reported that God was working together with extremists al-Clouda at eliminating America, something they have been working on since mid-2004. They worked together to cause the Boxing Day tsunami, but they missed America by a few thousand miles.
The Hurricane makers' trial is expected to be held early next year, with surprise witnesses Bill Clinton, Paul McCartney, and Lionel Ritchie rumoured to be making appearances. Further rumours that they are just doing it for publicity are completely untrue.