UnNews:Glasses are officially declared geeky
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Glasses are officially declared geeky
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, April 26, 2017, 21:32:UTC)(
18 December 2007
It has officially been declared by the President of the United States, George W. Bush, that ' ...glasses make people look freaky and geeky. '. Mr. Bush made this statement during his press conference outside the White House earlier this evening, when queried about whether his 'mother looked like an old granny'.
Mr. Bush replied: Of course my granny looks old. She's like any other granny. Except she doesn't wear glasses. Glasses make people look freaky and geeky. Like the hippies... And Dick Cheney.
As a direct result of this statement, the United States has entered an age of turmoil and stereoptypes. People with glasses are now considered to be unclean, and drug abusers. So called normal eyes, have begun to round up people who wear glasses, and put them swiftly to death. Many British tourists have been kidnapped due to wearing glasses, and the war with Iraq has been suspended because nobody in Iraq wears glasses.
Mr. Bush, in an effort to stop the merciless killing of the glasses-wearing public, announced immediately that all glasses should be removed from the general public and destroyed. This new law allows the wearing of sunglasses, however, as they are seen as more of a fashion accessory than as glasses.
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