Girls veto Six Nations Valentine’s Day exemption
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, June 20, 2018, 00:17:UTC)(
13 February 2016
ENGLAND -- Wives and girlfriends have denied requests from their partners to take a ‘half time’ break from romance, to watch BBC highlights of the Six Nations rugby championship at 7pm tomorrow. The girls' high tackle has left men bruised and wondering if the time has come to kick things into touch.
February 14th observes the death of Jesus and his resurrection, with gifts of skimpy silk red underwear, boozy chocolates and giant teddy bears with hearts on. Much like the Koch Brothers or the ‘big six’ energy companies, many men feel that Valentine’s Day just feeds the will of evil, corporate family-run local gift shops and restaurants.
Significantly, England rugby coach Eddie Jones has brought in Ben Youngs and Mako Vunipola to make an impact against the strong Italian squad, after Mako made a huge impression when he came in as a loose head prop last weekend for the last 30 minutes of England’s climatic win over Scotland. Youngs, an experienced scrum-half, is expected to improve loose ball-handling skills, in what is becoming an ear-biting championship.
The girls are defending their position on the veto, pointing out they are sacrificing an evening in front of Real Housewives and Grey’s Anatomy. The block is completely non-negotiable, as it is vital for female social standing to get at least one ‘couply’ instagram of their partner forking steak Diane into their mouth and another smooching to Lionel Richie or Michael Buble in Pachino’s Nightclub.
Single avid rugby supporters, are also resentful of the ban; lamenting friends female partner’s lack of understanding of the male psyche, pointing out that the Six Nations only comes once a year — as well as proposing their mates are acting like sociopathic crybabies, and are about as manly as Mary Berry carrying a basket of kittens.
While enjoying a weekend in the beautiful and uber-romantic city of Rome, Courtney Laws and Owen Farrell hope to have their heads buried deep beyond the touch-line. The recent tie-up between Wales and Ireland has kept things wide open, and any embarrassing fumbles while playing away in Italy, will have significant consequences to the crockery on their return home.
- Alana Massey "Why you're wrong to hate Valentine's Day: a short list of rebuttals". Guardian, February 12, 2015
- Jeremy Guscott "Six Nations - Italy v England: Jeremy Guscott's verdict". BBC Sport, February 13, 2015