UnNews:Girl decapitates boyfriend during make-out session
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Girl decapitates boyfriend during make-out session
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, May 25, 2017, 13:41:UTC)(
22 April 2007
JERUSALEM, Israel-- During what was described as a "hot and heavy make-out session" with her boyfriend, 19-year-old Rayna Eban learned the hard way there is such a thing as too much loving.
In an exclusive interview with UnNews, Rayna told reporters, "I was like, totally lip-locked with this new totally cute boyfriend of mine who had these really cute bangs and these brown eyes I would die for. Anyway, so we were like kissing, y'know? And I totally wanted to have sex with him. I mean we had already gone on like 4 dates together, I mean I had been waiting to get in the sack with him for like ever y'know? So I kept hinting at him to like, get in my pants and suddenly he pulls away and I like felt his head in my lap and I was totally excited, y'know? But so like, uh, nothing happened. So like, I look down and there is his head, on my lap, with like blood gushing out and I like totally screamed and screamed and then y'know the cops came."
When the local police showed up on the scene they found Rayna cradling her dead boyfriend, whose identity is yet to be released. "It was like a movie" police sergeant Namir Sharon told UnNews, "There was a dead body and a really hot chick, who later that night turned out to be great in bed too." After the police pried the head from Rayna's arms they came to conclusion that somehow during the passionate kiss, the pressure of hormones going through the boyfriend's body as well as the force of Rayna's tongue caused enough pressure to cause the boyfriend's head to pop off.
Unfortunately, such occurrences are sometimes too common. "Although acutecranialcopulationhypertensionitus has only been recorded three times in the last 124 years," Dr. George Tyson told UnNews, " many similar ailments also exist. In a Chicago school just last year, a whole classroom of students lost one or both ears after the teacher literally talked their ears off."