Gina the No-Headed Gymnast Olympic Ready
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Sunday, August 30, 2015, 10:31:UTC)(
12 August 2012
WESTWOOD, California -- The USA sent one of it's best and brightest gymnastic stars to London in an attempt to medal at the 2012 Olympic Games. Gina Biltmore, 22 will compete tonight in rhythmic gymnastics. Her hopes are high. Gina had this to say:
"I am very anxious and excited to compete for Team USA in the 2012 Olympics in London. It is a dream come true for me and I won't let down my country!". Wiping away tears with her foot she continued; "It's not been easy. I always knew I could make it to the Olympics. Were it not for my parents I would not be the almost complete person I am today."
Gina was born with a disease known as "Deflation Encephalopathy", a rare genetic disorder which causes the head to deflate as one gets older. Born normal, by the age of 8, Gina could see her entire head in the side mirror of a car. By age 12 she could poke her head up into a cars oil pan thru the little drain plug hole. At age 16 she dropped out of high school "Because the boys made incessant crude jokes." It was then that she focused on rhythmic gymnastics and excelled.
Gina went to the Pan Am games in 2010. It was there that she bumped into Russian pole vaulter 'Yuri Vladmo'. The two have been inseperable ever since. Said Yuri; "It vas as if ve vere meant for von-another". Gina, " It's fortunate that we ran into one another!"
Gina attends University on scholarship. "UCLA" (the 'University of Caucasians Lost Among Asians') "finally gave me the opportunity to excell scholastically as well as athletically." As part of "Asian Athletes Among Us" Gina received a housing allowance, a tutor to help her with her studies, and a rabbit. "After competing I intend to return to my studies and focus on my next goal;to become an Opthamologist and provide care to the Poor in my hometown on Rancho Santa Margarita, CA"
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|