UnNews:Giger gay bar to open in Castro District
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Giger gay bar to open in Castro District
Straight talk, from straight faces
Saturday, March 17, 2018, 12:07:UTC)(
24 January 2007
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
Problems playing this file? You might be a dope.
SAN FRANCISCO, California -- At the invitation of Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, her “good friend,” artist H. R. Giger has agreed to license his artwork for use in another of his series of so-called “Giger Gay Bars.”
The artist, best known among moviegoers for the artwork that gave rise to the xenomorphs in Aliens and its sequels, is also popular as an interior designer, especially in Europe, where gay bars and other interiors are decorated with sculptures and even furniture based on his art.
For some reason, the artist’s bizarre, surrealistic art appeals primarily to gay men. “I think it is because they live such bizarre, surreal lives themselves,” the artist suggested to Unnews reporter Lotta Lies.
Always controversial, Giger’s statement has generated a good deal of debate among artists, critics, and homosexual men.
“The nerve of that man!” Diego (“Limp Wrists”) Fernando cried. “If he wasn’t so damn gorgeous and his art wasn’t so avant garde, I’d take umbrage at his homophobic statements. As he is, though, I can’t help but want to show my appreciation for him and his work in a really tangible way, if you get my drift.”
The artist-cum-interior designer’s furniture designs includes his famous--some would say, infamous--chair, which resembles “elongated human ribcages.” The bars also contain mobiles made of freeze-dried human fetuses.
“He’s controversial,” Pelosi agreed, “but he incites passion, just like me. I like that in a man.”
“His art reflects a hatred of women and of Phil Donahue,” Marlo Thomas contends. “He’s a misogynist of the first order.”
“He’s homophobic,” Michael Jackson minced.
“The guy’s a fruitcake,” Robert Mapplethorpe’s widowed boyfriend moped. "That's why, however reluctantly and reservedly, we love him."
“I’m all that,” Giger admitted, “and more. I am an artist. I am a genius.”
- Lotta Lies "Giger Gay Bars, coming to a California town near you". Instant News, 8 seconds ago