UnNews:Gibson's "Apocalypso" bloody musical
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Gibson's "Apocalypso" bloody musical
Every time you think, you weaken the nation —Moe Howard
Saturday, February 6, 2016, 08:22:UTC)(
5 December 2006
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
HOLLYWOOD - He hinted at it with Jesus's prolonged, agonizing rendition of "Bend Me, Shape Me," in his movie, "Godspell." With an immeasurable body count, near non-stop mutilation, and overblown musical numbers, "Apocalypso" confirms that Mel Gibson is master of the epic snuff musical.
Director Gibson applies the same breathtaking production values and attention to detail as he did in "Bravefart" and "Godspell," but in this runaway jungle bungle, he amplifies the musical cavortation beyond the brutal of "Bravefart" and the excruciating of "Godspell" to something approaching abhorrent at the height of the carnage in "Apocalypso."
Was pre-Columbian Mayan society a savage place? Sure, at times. Try to get a table at one of the trendier Mayan restaurants without being "someone" and you'll find that out tout suite.
The blood and gore become so extreme that they provoke titters of ridicule, undermining a simple, stirring story of family devotion as a man races from vile captors to return home and rescue his pregnant wife and their son from a chorus line of assassins.
Elton John contributed many of the songs, from which audiences were mercifully distracted by geysers of blood and flying guts. By the end of the movie, viewers are in such a frenzy from seeing so much sanguinary frivolity (SPOILER: Wait for the Esther Williams-style swimming sequence done in a lake of blood), that they frequently tear and bite at each other like wild animals.
Critics have noted that the movie isn't as historically accurate as other films based in the ancient Mayan culture, like... um... The Emporer's New Groove, I guess. Unlike that laama movie, this movie has been rated PG because there ain't no sex in it, 'cause sex is dirty and will warp little kids' minds.