UnNews:Giant Eagle Mistakes Baby For Hobbit
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Giant Eagle Mistakes Baby For Hobbit
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Sunday, May 1, 2016, 19:50:UTC)(
22 December 2012
MONTREAL, Canada -- The people of Canada reel in shock today in wake of the potentially tragic events surrounding a small toddler and a large eagle.
The toddler in question had been out for a day at the park with his family, which was rudely interrupted when the eagle grabbed the child by the shoulders and attempted to carry him off. Initially, it was thought that the eagle had mistaken the boy for prey, but further investigation revealed something more surprising; the eagle was in fact a fledgling Giant Eagle of Middle-Earth origin (not Supermarket origin, as most would have you believe.)
Apparently, the bird had been heeding a call to transport some Hobbits somewhere, when he got caught in an updraft and blown far off course. When he at last was able to see land again, the child was the first thing he spotted.
"It was really small from a distance," The eagle told UnNews, "Granted, at that height, most things are. But I had been told that Hobbits were significantly smaller than the other small things. So I saw the bloke and I just assumed he was one of the Hobbits I had come to transport."
The eagle then descended from the skies and attempted to ferry the child off to Middle-Earth, realizing shortly after take off that he had made a grave error.
"None of the other eagles were around, for one." He said, "That struck me as odd. And people were screaming and running towards me. So I looked down, and I was like 'Bloody hell, I've grabbed a baby!'. Naturally, as a decent, god-fearing eagle, I dropped the little bugger and got the ever-loving fuck out of there before someone regained enough sense to grab a rock."
Canada has demanded a formal apology from the Giant Eagle King, but it is unknown if he will accept.
- "Eagle Baby Attack: Montreal Toddler Seemingly Snatched Up By Golden Eagle". The Huffington Post, Dec 19, 2012