UnNews:Germany buys Greece
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Germany buys Greece
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Saturday, March 24, 2018, 23:44:UTC)(
30 April 2010
In an audacious example of financial realpolitik, German Chancellor Angela Merkel's offer to take over Greece in exchange of clearing up the country's colossal debts were accepted by the Greek government. They are said to have decided to take on Merkel's offer after a heavy drinking session in a small taverna just off the Acropolis. Merkel was pleased with the deal but upset that the Greek ministers left before paying the bar bill and had been last seen jumping into a speed boat to take them to Italy.
The news that Greece was now Germany came as surprise to the population. That had been hoping that someone else would buy the country off them. Despite a last minute bid by Turkey for some of the islands and the city of Salonika which was the birth city of their national hero Kemal Ataturk, in the end Germany came out the winner. Jennifer Aniston said she would have put a bid in for ancestral country but today she needed to cry again about Brad Pitt being such a bastard and running off with Angelina Jolie.
In a speech (translated from German), Merkel informed Greece that under the new management, all Greeks would be enthused with the Germanic spirit of hard work,bratwurst and dressing like fashion victims. In exchange, German visitors would have first choice of the sun loungers at the hotel and would always stock German beer on request. She thought that once the Greeks learnt German, they would understand her a lot better.
The response from ordinary Greeks were remarkably stoical. It was suggested that the Germans would be so impressed with the Greek attitude to life (why work when it's sunny outside?) that in the end , Germany would end up more like their country in a few years.
We are the country that invented politics, said respected Greek commentator Zeus. And if we are good at anything, that is the art of saying one thing and doing another. It is part of our culture since we built the Trojans a horse saying it was for their kind hospitality for the last ten years. The Germans may discover the truth a lot sooner.
Merkel has appointed Nana Mouskouri to look after Greece on behalf of Germany as an interim measure. The Greek born singer agreed on the grounds that at least everyone in the world has heard of her and that she did make women who had to wear glasses in the 1970s desirable hot property.