UnNews:Germanwings tragedy portends pilotless passenger drones
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Germanwings tragedy portends pilotless passenger drones
A newsstand that's brimming with issues
Wednesday, August 23, 2017, 17:48:UTC)(
1 April 2015
SWITZERLAND -- If the Germanwings disaster has taught us anything it’s that we cannot trust humans, especially pilots. After all, pilots are less trustworthy than bankers, every one knows that - now.
The obvious solution is simply to do away with human pilots altogether, and just create jumbo passenger drones, controlled by computers, which are devoid of psychological problems or dumb-arse impulsive behavior.
Heinrich Schultz of the Air Sanity Board was clear on the conclusion when he told the media, “That’s the last straw! Humans just cannot be trusted. The only solution is technology.
“We will spend a nillion dollars to introduce jumbo size passenger drones, controlled by computers from the Control Towers all the way to flying and landing the planes without a hitch.” Schultz opined.
But some conspiracy buffs have raised the objection that fallible humans build all drones and computers along with computer programs, so what is the surety of such man-made technology? To address this doubt Schultz suggested that computer robots (not humans) should be used to create, maintain and operate the passenger drones, and this would remove any hint of human error from the equation.
The worker robots can, in turn, be controlled by manager robots, who are themselves controlled by an autobot. Thus no maniacal human interaction is required, apart from turning the whole thing ON, and that function could be relegated to a Messiah robot that is subjugated to a God robot.
Schultz added that this process of computer-creating-computer could be replicated repeatedly until fallible humans were entirely eradicated.
But some scholars are of the opinion that these asinine ideas are fanciful and would cost a fortune, therefore it was suggested that the cabin lock be moved to the outside of the cockpit door, to protect the passengers from the crew, rather than having it on the inside, much to the advantage of suicidal human pilots.
- ISIS Minister of Terrible Affairs claims responsibility for Germanwings crash
- Did Germanwings captain tell Lubitz, ‘Open the damn door’ or 'Öffnen Sie die verdammte Tür’ ?
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|