UnNews:German man missing since 1945 is found working in Las Vegas
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
German man missing since 1945 is found working in Las Vegas
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Sunday, January 22, 2017, 06:07:UTC)(
25 July 2011
LAS VEGAS, Nevada -- An old German man who was declared legally dead after he went missing in 1945 has been found working as a waxworks statue at Madame Tussauds in Las Vegas, Nevada, authorities said Friday.
Adolf Hitler, 122, was arrested July 19 and charged with two counts of identity theft and sixty million counts of manslaughter.
A complaint regarding the fraudulent use of a Social Security number from Connecticut, and the fraudulent use of a Kenyan driver's license led to Hitler’s arrest, the Nevada Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV) said.
According to the site, Hitler once worked as a fascist dictator at the head of Germany’s Nazi party, but in 1945 he went missing, and his disappearance was labeled suspicious. Gambling debts and possible organized crime affiliations led police to believe foul play might have been involved. According to the release, Hitler was declared legally dead in 1946.
Hitler-- who resided in the Führerbunker in Berlin at the time of his disappearance -- said he purchased a fake Kenyan driver's license for $0.20 in one name, and then a Connecticut birth certificate and Social Security card for $1.80 in another name, both in Montenegro in 1949. He then moved to Las Vegas in America, before eventually obtaining a Nevada driver's license in 1951.
Hitler was living under the names Mambo Zulu and David Moshe Cohen, and he was collecting Social Security under both names, according to the Nevada DMV. He is presently being held on $60,000,000, bail, which the German government has refused to post for his release.
Meanwhile, US President Obama, who has led the hunt for Hitler since WWII, has taken credit for the arrest.
- Staff "Illinois Man Missing Since 1979 is Found Working in Las Vegas". Fox News, July 25, 2011