UnNews:George W Bush Will Search For The Emerald Sword
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9 October 2008
Washington DC, US-- George W Bush, the current President of The United States, has announced that he plans to end his term honourably. After hearing the song 'Emerald Sword' blaring on Dick Cheney's ghetto blaster, Dubya decided that it heralded the dawning of a new era for America. He has spent the last week gathering his troops in order to search for the Emerald Sword. George W Bush wanted glory, and as he said: "This search will undone all the country's problems. As soon as we find the Emerald Sword, we will rule the world." Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld have continually attempted to convince Dubya that Emerald Sword is just a song, and that, if there were an Emerald Sword it would not be magical. Bush responded: "I will not let you ruin my dreams! Waaaahhhh!!" This statement has been hailed by Liberals as proof that Bush is essentially a big baby Monkey. This differs from the original theory that he is a big stupid Gorilla.
George Bush will commence his search for the Emerald Sword on October 12, 2008. It is expected to cost around $350 Billion to fund, and Bush says that if Bill Gates chips in, he'll get a share of the world domination. The suspected location of the Emerald Sword is Iran, according to George Bush. Experts say that it either doesn't exist, or may be located in Russia. The soldiers will have to cross the Valleys and the Dust of Midlands, and will need to search for the third key to open the gate. After finding the third key, they are expected to be near the altar. The Emerald Sword will be George Bush's most prized possesion and he will love it like his missile launch codes.