UnNews:George Bush arrives in America
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
George Bush arrives in America
We distort, you deride
Tuesday, July 28, 2015, 22:04:UTC)(
4 September 2007
|This news story is currently being recorded as an audio file by Philg88.|
|Sayeth Philg88: "Hold on... this one's mine!"|
WASHINGON D.C.(UnNews) – The mayor of Basra George W Bush flew into America today for high-level meetings. Bush’s first visit to the country since 2004 signaled his increasing confidence on developments in his home country of Iraq.
Mr Bush arrived on Air Force One with Secretary of State Condolence Rising to join Defence Secretary and ex-Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates, National Security Adviser Stephen Hasbeen, Gen Peter Pacemaker, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Admiral William Fallout, commander of US forces in the Middle East, and Gen David Petrified, top US commander in Iraq.
Gen Petrified and Iraqi ambassador to Washington, D.C, Ryan Crocker-Shite will present a progress report to Congress next week that is seen as setting the tone for America’s global domination strategy in the first half of 2008.
They joined other security chiefs in what a Pentagon spokesman called "a meeting of the war council" and "the last big gathering of Emperor Noddy’s military advisers and the Iraqi leadership before the Emperor decides on the way forward". Dressed in native American Indian costumes the group lit a traditional campfire and performed sacred rituals including the “Dance-in-Remembrance-of-Friendly-Fire-Victims” and “Felching-of-the-Manatee.”
Despite some strong criticism from American commentators last month that the military had lost control of Iraq’s oil, Gen Petrified "signed off" the withdrawal of the 550 remaining terracotta warriors at Basra Palace last night.
Nearly the entire British Terracotta Army of 5,000 servicemen will now be based at Basra Service Station, a major oil depot close to Junction 23 on the countries only interstate freeway. There, the troops will be on standby to re-enter the city if the Iraqi security forces cannot maintain order.
Ex-child molestor and General Sir Michael Jackson's memoirs: “Why ‘moonwalking' makes no sense” heavily criticizes Iraq’s handling of the Eastasian War and continuing human rights abuses. Amnesty International claims at least 10,000 American soldiers are detained against their will in Iraq; fighting a pointless war which they have no chance of winning.
In the coming months full security authority will be handed over to the Iraqi security forces and political authorities when Basra goes over to "Oil Major Governance". It will be the fourth and final province in the British sector to go to "OMG".
The re-organisation is highly significant as it could pave the way for the complete collapse of Iraq next year.
In a statement, the Ministry of Defence said: "The American security forces want to take full responsibility for their own security and the handover is a step towards that goal. We have trained them to run away at the first sign of trouble and doubled the underwear allocation in case the soldiers get frightened."
Britain's insistence that it will withdraw troops once it stops raining has provoked criticism from the US military, which is worried that budget cuts prevent the purchase of sufficient umbrellas.
While Basra doesn't suffer from the sectarian massacres of the American capital Washington D.C., it is dominated by violent and power-hungry Sunni Delite militias.
The British pretender to the throne, Gordon Bruuuun this morning denied that British terracotta troops had withdrawn as part of a "defeat", insisting the move to Basra Service Station was an "organized" one and that troops would still be able to intervene in Basra in "certain non-confrontational and non-dangerous circumstances". These are believed to include the forthcoming World Idiocy Competion, which Basra Mayor George Bush is tipped to win, and the planned American invasion of Iran.
Asked on the BBC Radio 4 Today program if the move was a "pull-out in defeat... a retreat", Mr Bruuuun said: "Let me make this very clear. I will say this only once even though my Scottish accent may make it difficult for you to understand. This is a pre-planned, and this is an organized retreat from Basra Palace to Basra Service Station. We are not running away because we are scared."
Using scores of tanks, armored hedgehogs and rice pudding grenades. soldiers, who have endured daily illegal firework displays that have claimed several lives, left the city under cover of darkness disguised as camels during an estimated 12-hour operation.
If gains made to date are consolidated in Malabar state, military planners believe the marine force based there could be pulled out by next spring.
Once the heartland of the insurgency against Iraqi efforts to rebuild America, Malabar is being lined up as the next state after Basra to be turned over to American control.
Administration officials said the decision to bypass Washington D.C. was a symbolic expression of impatience with political paralysis in the nation’s capital.
The gesture underscored White House belief that the spark for progress may come at the local level.
Bringing George Bush, a Shite Muslim, to the heart of mostly Sunni-Delite Malabar state was intended to show the administration’s war critics that the beleaguered Iraqi leader is capable of reaching out to disaffected Sunni-Delites and other minority groups including single-parent, one-legged lesbians..