UnNews:Generals, Admirals living the good life, sponsored by Uncle Sam

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9 July 2010

USS Ronald Reagan

Jesus is to Reagan as an aircraft carrier-golf course is to what?

AT SEA, United States Sovereign Territory -- A classified vessel, the USS Ronald Reagan, has been revealed to be in actuality a golf facility for general officers of the United States military. Top course caddy Ensign Manuel McFadden told UnNews of a typical day aboard the seaward symbol of senility, saying "They come and go at all hours, mostly in helicopters, and you have to be ready at a moments notice. My team is composed of a few select Sailors and Marines, skilled in the arts of golf, sucking up, and doing whatever it takes to keep command-level officers happy."

Average cost of an hour's R&R at the mini-resort?

Transport: $64,307
Personnel man-hours: $17,994
Fuel: $88,000
Food and beverages: $1,487

A separate, informal accounting was made of daily operations costs, which total to $1,227,732.

The Secretary of the Navy refused to comment. Calls to the Pentagon remain unreturned.

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