UnNews:Generalissimo Francisco Franco is STILL Dead
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Generalissimo Francisco Franco is STILL Dead
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, March 23, 2018, 11:47:UTC)(
11 March 2007
MADRID, Spain -- Sources are now reporting in that Generalissimo Francisco Franco is STILL dead. The Spanish General, who was born in December of 1892, died on either November 19th or November 20th of 1975 and has not lived since. During his reign, Franco was known for being a just and noble leader, he successfully protected his people from the corrupt and abusive Spanish communist party. Many experts feel that if the communists had secured Spain, the world may have been destroyed. Franco successfully held off that event and is widely considered the incarnation of superman. During World War Two Franco was the US's main ally and while many think that the Atomic Bomb was developed by Scientists working for the Manhattan Project, it was recently revealed that Fat Man was actually filled with Franco's feces.
Katie Couric had this to say on the recent development: "I don't get it, someone please explain it to me!!!!" Couric was subsequently shot for "being a stupid cunt". Other prominent news figures have also been stepping up to share their comments on the issue. Walter Cronkite said "I have never met a better man than General Franco, except for maybe Joe McCarthy, he gave those communists what was coming to them", Walter Cronkite then proceeded to weep silently. But Chevy Chase said it best in his comments late last night, "I'm Chevy Chase, and you're not". Touching, touching words of support today, from many who mourn this still lost man.