UnNews:General Motors Wins Hollywood Contract to Manufacture Blondes
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General Motors Wins Hollywood Contract to Manufacture Blondes
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, December 8, 2016, 09:56:UTC)(
15 June 2009
The bankrupt car company has already set aside facilities to start work on making the bespoke blondes for Fox , ABC, NBC and CBS television networks in the coming week. GM boast that once all the agreements are in place , their factories will be able to 'churn them out' for any show that has a lack of 'blonde cuties' to fill up a tv schedule.
GM's play acting President - Fritz 'The Cat' Henderson - admitted that this was an unusual move to switch from making cars to faking people but said the 'market is king and all they want is blonde, blonde and blonde again'. He went on :-
We took a long hard look at this offer from Hollywood for about five seconds and said 'Happy Days Are Here Again.' After all Hollywood has been complaining recently that there was a 'blonde' shortage and that desperately needed ready made ones to fill up reality tv shows.
Naturally once demand starts, we are prepared to extend our range to include blond men , brunettes and any anyone else that might be needed . As the USA is tight on immigration , I am sure we can extend production to include people who will appeal to the Far Eastern and European markets. But as we all know - Blondes have more fun and we intend to have a laugh as well.
Henderson denied this was 'blatant sexism' and would encourage men to think of women as lust objects that could be created at the turn of a switch. However he admitted the new ranges - The Stepford Blonde and the racier Stepford Mistress models - will soon be seen on TV shows and that essentially , they had been designed for sad men in mind.
- New York Post
- Barbie World Wide News Network
- Hollywood Reporter