This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-microsecond misinformation.
22 December 2006
HOLLYWOOD, CA - Sarah Michelle Gellar announced her latest attempt to act as she left her talent agency, where she had just signed a contract with TMNT to voice a character in a computer-generated animated film written and directed by Kevin Munroe.
"I'm so happy to get this role," Gellar gushed. "It's the best thing I've done since Buffy."
Some critics contend that Gellar has done nothing worthwhile since she starred in the hit television series about a young woman with supernatural powers who was "called" to slay vampires, demons, and other monsters who visited her hometown, Sunnydale, CA.
With the exception of Crude Intentions, many TV critics agree, Gellar has done nothing noteworthy in the past five or six years. "And it was Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillipe, not Gellar, who carried the film, despite Gellar's having been given top billing" Gene Shalit contends.
Gellar's career is in freefall, many critics believe. "She takes the most asinine roles one could imagine," Roger Ebert observed, "probably because no one is offering her anything better."
"Simply Irresistible was totally resistible," Michael Medved asserts, "and Scooby Doo I and II should have been called Scooby Doo Doo I and II. Why would she ever have agreed to do a II to begin with?"
Now, according to Earth Times, Gellar has "been relegated to providing voices for veritable extras." She will voice April, a human researcher who assists the film's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
"What's sad," Ebert says, "is that she doesn't get it. She still hopes that she will be as big in movies as she was in TV, which--let's be honest--wasn't all that big. The brutal reality is that, by making movies like The Grudge and The Return, she's limiting herself to scream queen roles in B-grade movies. She's setting herself up to become a has-been even quicker than she might become one otherwise."
Voicing April is not Gellar's first attempt at acting. She has also played the voices of Ella in Happily Never After, Daphne Blake in Robot Chicken, the Gwendy Doll in Small Soldiers, Gina in an episode of The Simpsons, an actress in There's Too Much Sex on TV, Andromeda in Hercules and the Falling Stars, and Marie in They Call It Bobby Love.
Gellar's husband, Freddie Prinze, Jr., hoped to appear alongside his wife as the voice of one of the turtles, but he has a prior engagement, having signed with Warner Brothers Studios to portray Hamlet in William Shakespeare's play, The Tragedy of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark.
Asked what he thinks of his wife's prospects, Prinze, says "I have great hopes for Sarah. I know she's a great actress, because, after all, she convinced me she's hot."