UnNews:Gates offered to pay National Debt
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Gates offered to pay National Debt
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, January 19, 2017, 21:40:UTC)(
5 April 2006
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In a somewhat more unpublicised light, it was discovered earlier yesterday that software tycoon Bill Gates contacted the Administration in the White House on April 1st, offering to pay off the national debt, using both his combined wealth, and that of his business, Microsoft.
When contacted, many officials were indeed confused at such an offer, taking the matter directly to the President himself, however, it was later revealed that the offer was actually an April Fools joke, although officials were not particularly impressed with Gates' gag.
"We genuinely believed that Gates wanted to help pay off the national debt, and I can honestly say that today, Gates has earned himself a powerful, powerful enemy... - George Bush
This resultant fallout has indeed also strained relations between Microsoft and the Justice Department with regard to a number of recent antitrust lawsuits, as well as Microsoft's plight for aid in overseas battles.
Many have pointed out that playing such a joke was unamusing at best, and some have even compared it to poking fun at the disabled. Currently, the Whitehouse has announced that it is considering litigation, although no formal charge has been issued against Mr. Gates.
CEO of Microsoft Steve Ballmer has announced that he fully supported Gates in his joke idea, and that he has also vowed to Fucking Kill™ the entire White House staff if they should choose to take any form of legal action in the future:
“I’m going to fucking bury those guys, I have done it before, and I will do it again. I’m going to fucking kill The White House.”
Upon hearing the news, Mr. Gates stated that he was relatively unimpressed with the White House officials' "sheer lack of a sense of humour" and claiming that if someone did it to him he would have found it "hilarious".