UnNews:Galaxy S5 sales to slump according to Apple research

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Galaxy S5 sales to slump according to Apple research

Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?

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Sunday, August 20, 2017, 13:54:59 (UTC)

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13 May 2014


Obese Graph

Apple's predicted sales figures for Samsung's Galaxy S5, which clearly weren't copied off Google Images.

SILICON VALLEY, AMERICA -- Samsung Galaxy S5 sales are predicted to slump, according to new research from Apple. The tech giant has predicted, in a new report, that Samsung's new phone's sales will be overtaken by other companies including Nokia's Lumia series, and some more unknown brands of phone.

A spokesperson for Apple said the report was completely objective and based on market research.
"Our report on the future of Samsung's Galaxy S5 is completely objective and based on market research," Co-Senior Vice President John Appleseed said.

A spokesperson for Nokia, now owned by Microsoft, was skeptical of the report.
"We believe that Apple's research consists of biased and unobjective reasoning, and that this is simply to increase the value of Apple for actually doing research. *sobs* Nobody will ever love Nokia! *sobs*"

Samsung declined to comment.

Unusually, the report does not list when the Galaxy S5 sales will decline.

"Exactly, exactly *sobs*" Nokia said.

The report comes as rumors come that the iPhone 6 may be released very soon,. The iPhone 6 is set to be one of Apple's best phones yet. And now you can preorder it from Apple's website to recieve a FREE $20 iTunes gift voucher! That's right! FREE! Just enter the promo code UNCYC20 to claim your gift!

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This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.


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