UnNews:Gadhafi lays siege to mountain towns
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Gadhafi lays siege to mountain towns
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Sunday, February 26, 2017, 12:24:UTC)(
18 April 2011
TRIPOLI, Libya -- The forces of Gen. Moammar Gadhafi have moved outside the capital district, called Libya Minora, and are spreading out to the Libya Majora to track down and eliminate the rebels.
The siege is cutting off supplies in the mountain towns and creating a humanitarian crisis. Some small towns no longer have basic necessities such as certified-organic arugula, pipe tobacco, and free-range onions. Relief workers from the United Nations say it is not even possible to ensure that these mountain people are taking a clean plate on every trip to the buffet. They say 500 Libyans, mostly Barbers, sought shelter near Dehiba, Tunisia. The U.N. workers kicked them out of the compound, however, because the chef threw a fit.
The border crossing at Ras Adjir has become hectic, as tens of thousands of people have fled Libya since the war started in February. "You know what that means," said Iain Schmottlach, a relief worker. "A refugee crisis. And you know what that means; we need a higher budget and more relief workers. Also, we are running a bit low on fat-free mayonnaise."
The geopolitics of Libya remains confusing. The United States dropped hundreds of bombs, in a weekend show called "Shock and Awe," and then proudly conceded control from its generals to its NATO generals. These are continuing to drop bombs in-country, though government and rebel forces have taken to both driving Ford Explorers and have become harder to tell apart. It had been true since the start of the conflict that warriors on both sides all look the same to us.
U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton insists that Gen. Gadhafi must leave office, but the African Union is negotiating a cease-fire that would leave him in place, NATO does just what the United States tells it to, and the half-black guy hasn't made a clear statement in the last week, except that Rep. Paul Ryan is trying to kill old people with his 2012 budget.