UnNews:G20: Brexit could end life on earth
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
G20: Brexit could end life on earth
A newsstand that's brimming with issues
Wednesday, August 23, 2017, 03:18:UTC)(
27 February 2016
SHANGHAI, China -- G20 ministers are warning Eurosceptics that if Britain were to leave the EU, it could be the end of life on earth. Chancellor George Osborne and G20 finance ministers have unanimously concluded that a vote to leave the EU will bring flames, volcanic ash and a year of darkness across the entire face of the planet.
According to a draft communiqué from the G20 meeting in Shanghai, the knock-on effect of Britain leaving Europe will vaporise a large part of the earth’s crust. The exit would create a crater more than 100 kilometres across, throwing billions of tons of molten rock into the air.
Some of the debris would go into orbit. However, most will become a fiery deluge, a rain storm of searing molten rock throughout the entire planet, causing intense global forest fires, boiling seas and roasting any living thing not buried underground, preferably in a vault.
Osborne said fellow finance ministers and central bank chiefs had unanimously concluded that the subsequent blocking of the sun by an atmosphere saturated by sulphuric ash could be one of the most significant "headwinds" facing global financial infrastructures this year.
G20 ministers have indicated a burning desire to use all policy tools to avert a meltdown, by lifting sluggish global growth with quantitative easing, despite German disquiet over fiscal and monetary stimulus. Ministers and financiers have determined such monetary policies will continue to support economic activity, persuade British voters to stay with Brussels and ensure the survival of the human race.
Osborne’s stark warning did not end there. He added that with the blistering rate that economies in China and the US are growing, monetary policy alone may not be enough to dissuade the UK from freezing out the EU, thereby saving the planet from a flame-grilled damnation; or even worse, giving Boris Johnson an outside chance of becoming the next Prime Minister.
- Martin Farrer "G20 concludes Brexit would 'shock' world economy, George Osborne says". Guardian, February 17, 2016