UnNews:G-7 ministers, losing influence, meet in Arctic
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-microsecond misinformation.
8 February 2010
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
IQALUIT, Nunavut, Canada -- Finance officials from the Group of Seven (G-7) came to this tiny Arctic outpost hoping a stage-managed stunt would shift attention from their nations' declining economic prowess.
Ditching suits and ties in favor of furs and moccasins, finance ministers and bankers speared baby seals, ate raw meat seasoned with shaved ice, rubbed noses, and conducted business in the Inuit language, which has only 900 words and no way to express numerical quantities.
Host Canadian Finance Minister Jim Flaherty sold the unusual location as a chance to take the G-7 back to its roots of straight talk among treacherous central bankers from countries that are trying to elbow one another out of the way. But the hoopla may have been a smokescreen for the group's waning power, as officials note privately that developing countries have grown in influence.
Flaherty seized the opportunity of Canada inheriting the rotating presidency of the G-7 to schedule a conference in the middle of bleeping nowhere, and to snub Russia, China, and India, which had recently been invited as observers. At very informal fireside talks on Friday, Flaherty nevertheless distributed a document that stressed the meeting's relevance even though no one important was invited and they wouldn't have been able to find it anyway.
British Treasury chief Alistair Darling, between cold-induced convulsions, said he believed the meeting was "extremely worthwhile." But Japan's new Finance Minister, Naoto Kan, and a senior U.S. Treasury official stated their intention to take important matters to the G-20. "I trust people who wear ties, and those dangling, blue things are not ties," said Kan. However, French Finance Minister Christine Lagarde said the choice of location was a masterstroke: "Coming to the cold made the whole thing a lot warmer. And I hate talking finance, anyway."