UnNews:Fucking Hurricane Fucking Lost
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Fucking Hurricane Fucking Lost
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Sunday, November 29, 2015, 13:23:UTC)(
27 September 2012
"Fuck," the press release goes on to add.
Nadine, which formed from a tropical wave moving off the coast of Africa on September 7 and 8, was designated as Tropical Depression 14 on September 18. Since then it has followed an erratic course across the northern Atlantic Ocean that has NHC officials totally pissed off.
"Motherfucking piece of shit tropical cyclone," said NHC Director Kip Leeward, throwing darts at a large printout of Hurricane Nadine haphazardly tacked to a wall in the NHC's smoke-filled control room. "Fucking thing can't even find land."
Director Leeward's sentiment was echoed by many in the control room, including Chief Modeling Scientist Ernesto Trough.
"Do you have any idea how exhausting it is to model the same hurricane for three fucking weeks?" Dr. Trough asked, stubbing out a cigarette on a computer monitor showing wind vector readings. "This thing should have made a pass at the Caribbean on September 15 and then broken up into disorganized showers, maybe regenerating a bit over the Gulf of Mexico.
"But noooooo," Dr. Trough said, throwing up his hands in frustration. "It has to hook northwest and then just turns the fuck around. Spends a nice little holiday cruising around the middle of nowhere. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!"
As of press time, the members of the next storm reconnaissance flight crew are drinking in the hangar and openly asking what the point even is anymore.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|