UnNews:French mime artist dead, foul play suspected
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French mime artist dead, foul play suspected
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Saturday, April 30, 2016, 09:19:UTC)(
23 September 2007
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French Mime artist Marcel "The Joker" Marceau has been found dead at his home in Paris, France at the age of 84. Eye witnesses report that he was last seen "in some difficulty" as though walking against a heavy wind shortly before his death, whilst others state that he was "wildy gesticulating" at something sticking in his back.
Police have issued a statement that thus far they have been unable to locate a murder weapon, and despite the deceased being both a Mime AND French they currently have no motive. An uncomfirmed comment was released earlier in the day that due to the expression on his face investigators felt that Monsieur Marceau had been surprised by his assailant, as well as feeling general state of ennui representing the existential burnden of all mankind.
Members of his production company, Les Pricks Fantastiques, are refusing to speak on the issue, though in a poignant display a number of them were seen silently showing a mark of respect, sweeping some invisible dirt from the floor with an invisible broom or pulling a rope attached to something that seems to change its mass at random, all with a single tear rolling down their greasepainted faces.
Marceau gained fame for his remarkable ability to contort his body into all sorts of unusual shapes, sometimes causing him to run afowl with local police. He was also known for his many short-lived marriages. One of his nine ex-wives commented that his marriages would frequently fail because of his tendency to ignore when his wives would say, "Sit down, Marcel. We need to talk."
Police are currently combing the waterfront, because at this time of year it really is lovely, with all the ships drifting silently by in the evening sun.