UnNews:French Pen Pal disgusted after receiving third letter about the New York Yankees

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19 July 2007

Yankees letter

A copy of one of the Yankees-centric letters.

BREST, France-- A French participant in the pen pal service of europa-pages.com has recently expressed his outrage on being given what he believes to be a less-than-adequate pen pal. Pete Mason, the object of Mr. Sébastien d'Aubigne's irritation, is reported to have sent three letters to his pen pal over the last four months. D'Aubigne has claimed that all three of these letters contained far more information about the New York Yankees baseball team than he found palatable. "This is ridiculous. I signed up for an American pen pal so I could discuss the under appreciated beauty of America's jazz history. Instead, I get a lunatic going on about some sort of sports team. Isn't he aware that no one outside the US knows or cares about those sort of things? And the man could not even carry one thought through an entire sentence!"

However, Pete Mason, who has never been outside The Bronx borough of New York City, claims to have a fairly good understanding of international diversity, mostly through watching television. Shows that have given him and many other Americans insight into other cultures include Heroes, with its two Japanese and Indian characters, and House, with its vehemently British lead Dr. House. Mason says he sought to expand his already relatively fine-tuned knowledge of the world by becoming a pen pal. "I know about how people're different cause of all the shows I watch. Also, I think my sister's husband is [sic] half-Swede and I see him sometimes. But I figured it'd be nice to talk to someone from Europe since my wife and I may go there next summer. That's why I got Sébastien; he's a real nice guy. A little confusing sometimes, but hey, I guess it's cause he's foreign."

Despite d'Aubigne's annoyance, as of press time he has not sent anything to Mason expressing his feelings. This is reported to be because of the Frenchman's desire to be kind to his pen pal and not make the man feel ashamed. However, this non-confrontational method is believed by many critics to be futile, citing the American's obliviousness to the monotony of his letters. When asked by reporters about the content of d'Aubigne's first reply, Mason answered, "He wrote me back the first time saying he didn't know anything about the Yankees then started mentioning some other players he liked. They were guys named "Armstrong" and "Coltrane," probably French baseball players 'cause I'd never heard of them. I didn't want to seem like a idiot though, so I said they sounded cool, then told him about last night's game: 11-8!"

According to the managers of the international pen pal service, conflict between pen pals is not an uncommon thing. In fact, many of them have had to break off correspondence between a potentially explosive pair. Frederik Gold, a manager of europa-pages.com, had this to say: "I don't know if it's a clash of culture or just of personalities, but Lordy, can the sparks fly. One of 'em will start coming to us and complaining, making such a big fuss about it. I remember we once had a Chinese man paired with a lady who kept bad-mouthing some political guy. Guess he finally got pissed off and sent her a really bad virus. Those wacky Asians."

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