UnNews:Fred Phelps, "God hates sheep"
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Fred Phelps, "God hates sheep"
We distort, you deride
Friday, July 3, 2015, 11:11:UTC)(
7 April 2010
TOPEKA, Kansas -- Right-wing Baptist Minister Fred Phelps resurfaced again today, intending once again to spread the word of the Lord, after a long period of silence. Phelps, head of the controversial Westboro Baptist Church (WBC) - an incestuous complaints committee - broke his silence of nearly a year by once again reminding the world that they have disappointed, angered and generally cheesed off God. However whereas his normal speeches, usually aired on BlogTV or uploaded to their site, are aimed at the world's general acceptance of homosexuality or praising God for the death of Soldiers, Phelps has now focused on a new enemy - Sheep.
Usually the first animal to be petted at a trip to the farm, Sheep, says Fred Phelps, are evil. In his latest rant he sends out a tirade of hate at the animal claiming that the species is responsible for a number of recent events. In the video he appears to be sat at his desk, as is normal for his broadcasts. "I look into the eyes of this animal and I see evil. God looks into the eyes of this animal and God sees the Devil. God HATES sheep. It has hidden itself well, but in recent events there has been no other more evil than this damned creature, not even the fags can compete with the vile, inbred and hell hole damned soul of this animal."
After repeating himself a number of times Phelps began to get to specifics, "Can't you see what evil this creature has created? Kraft. Where did this come from? America. God hates America. And fags. But most of all sheep. Kraft, the Jew's attempts at trying to capitalise our country for us and now they're taking over England's Cadbury's brand." Many people, including Farmer's and their mothers, have commented on this hateful speech, mostly wondering what exactly Fred Phelp's point is. Although he appears to be lucid and aware of his actions none of what he says actually seems to make sense, however it has been pointed out that this is the case in many of his videos.
In recent years Fred Phelps has chosen to take the back burner, allowing his daughter - Shirley Phelps-Roper - to deal with the publicity and protests that the WBC community takes part in. Many people were surprised when his daughter produced similar hate speeches to Fred, often preaching about the LGBT community and how America was a 'Fag-enabling' society. Many residents in the area disapprove of what the church preaches, often commenting that such things should be illegal; Rosy Donahue, a Kansas resident said, "It's one thing hearing the ramblings of an old man in need of attention, but when you hear his eldest daughter and son preaching the same thing, having been brought up listening to this all their lives, you gotta start thinking what they're doing to the poor younger children who have no choice but to get involved. It's basically brainwashing."
As well as the Cadbury's take over by Kraft, Phelps has held sheep responsible for a number of other 'crises' as he calls them such as childhood obesity - "Flirting your meaty wares to those poor infants, corrupting their innocent, sinless souls..." - and homosexuality itself. "Of course these things are fag enabling demons. If these were creatures of God then surely they would bite the hand of a sinner rather than eat out of it! Fag enabling, fag whores, fag sympathisers. God hates sheep. And fags." The Westboro Baptist Church only has 71 members, over 90% of which are related to Fred Phelps directly, and are believed to be the only people who really pay attention to anything he says.
As normal it is expected that the American public will once again turn their back on the preacher and his community. A similar response has been received internationally such as in England where the members WBC are banned from entering and Wales where sheep are held in high regard, both have suggested the world will only be a better place when Phelps and people like him learn to tone down their prejudices.