UnNews:France "a figment of the imagination"

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France "a figment of the imagination"

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23 December 2006


France is not here.

FRANCE -- Medical experts today declared that millions of French people are in fact suffering from a rare brain disorder. Roughly 60 million people wake up each day with this debilitating condition that has only recently discovered. Effects of this disorder include the irresistible urge to eat garlic, a smug feeling of arrogance and waving a white flag whenever danger is near. It is hoped that all 60 million sufferers can be cured in time.

One top scientist commented, "We've suspected this to be the case for quite some time now, these poor people have had to suffer from this neurological disorder for centuries, hopefully we will be able to eradicate it in the not too distant future."

It is not known as of yet what causes the syndrome, with scientists advising members of the general public to remain vigilant so that they too don't become a Frenchie. It is believed that the renaming of french kissing, french fries and french toast may have inadvertently stemmed the flow of people becoming French in recent years. A helpline has been set up for people concerned they might be exhibiting signs of becoming French and doctors have released guidelines about what to do in an emergency. Anybody who has recently started wearing a beret should consult their doctor immediately.

Curing the disease will not be easy however, as numerous French officials refuse to believe this is the case. The current President of France, Andre the Giant, was quoted as saying, "Sacre bleu, zis is an outrage! Zis is obviously more anti-French propaganda by those Engleesh swine! Zey are just jealous of our proud history and sexual performance!"

However medics have started treating the first victims. One former sufferer commented, "It might sound funny to others, but suddenly thinking you are French is terrifying".

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