UnNews:Fox cancels planned Michael Jackson special "If I Did It"

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22 November 2006

345px-Woman walking in Afghanistan

Michael Jackson, depicted here in some weirdo middle east country he moved to for some reason, declined comment, except to say "Wow, did I fuck my life up hella bad."

UnNews: NYC FOX abruptly announced that it was cancelling its planned Michael Jackson special "If I Did It," in which the fallen pop star would have explained, on air, how he would have molested those children, "if" he had actually done that, which we all know he did! No question about it.

"After being hated on by the entire planet, we have decided that this was an ill conceived project, therefore we are going to try to pretend we can somehow walk away from this and that nothing will change at all. We have also come to the conclusion that Judith Regan is a Melon head." said Rupert Murdoch, who had been planning to make a lot of money from people watching Michael Jackson explain exactly what he would have done to those children, if anything had happened.

FOX wannabe CW had a loud snicker behind the gym at its rival's misjudgment and sad attempt to cover up its mass-media public relations equivalent of projectile diarrhea. "Like, all the kids at school are talking about this." CW told us while sneaking some smokes from one of the older students. "That FOX guy is such an idiot and we all hate him. Sitting in the back of poly sci with that dumb white cap on all the time. What an asshole. Fuck FOX! Ha ha ha, pwned motherfucker!"

An announcement was made that the grassroots boycott of FOX would proceed in spite of the pulling of the show, but now repurposed to protest the fact that The Simpsons sucks.

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