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Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, May 24, 2016, 23:42:UTC)(
President of Fox, Old Man Rupert Murdoch, today announced he his going to restructure his news empire, NewsCorp. Some changes include:
- Removing Management and replacing them with Slavedrivers run by his Miniluv
- Replacing all news stations with Minitru
- Extending the poison pill for another 5000 years
- Replacing the official NewsCorp language with Newspeak
He baffled reporters at a press conference by suddenly switching language to Newspeak to keep up with the times.
|“||Today, is a new dawning for NewsCorp - Sorry, wait. I BB bellyfeel proles feel doubleplusungood Airstrip One and prolefeed. Proles go to Miniluv Room 101 speedwise for crimethink.||”|
Aides of Rupert Murdoch attributed this recent bout of insanity to third stage syphilis, but none-the-less, NewsCorp is now known as Airstrip One.