UnNews:Fourth holocaust movie puts Tehran on alert

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
This article is part of UnNews UnNews Logo Potato1 We distort, you deride

9 June 2009

TEHRAN, Iran -- In spite of a flood of recent U.S. news articles about how Israel will not attack Iran to disable its growing nuclear capability, and in spite of Secretary of State Hillary Clinton's statements that imply that Iran will be allowed to become a nuclear power, no one is buying it here in UnNews Headquarters in the glorious republic of Iran.

Mahmoud1

"Israel! I am watching CNN! One more new Holocaust movie and I strike pre-emptively!

At the Islamic Center for Media Analysis, a group that watches Western publications, papers, TV and movies for insight into future trends, they have spotted what they believe to be the most sure fire disturbing 'indicator' of an upcoming Israeli attack.

In a recently released report to President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, it was noted with great alarm that Hollywood (a hot bed of Jewish subversion) has released no less then four Holocaust related movies, all in less than a year. "First 'The Boy in the Striped Pajamas', a pointlessly stupid movie, then 'The Reader', if possible even more stupid, next 'Valkyrie' which at least dealt very little with Jews, and finally this 'Defiance' in which allegedly there was some story of Jewish heroism which they uncharacteristically remained silent about for sixty plus years! Please! Do these Zionists think we are blind?" said Senior Director Asa Lama Lickem who co-authored the report.

Director Lickem is refering to the well known phenomena of Hollywood releasing Holocaust themed movies just before an upswing of bombing Palestinians, invading other nations, disenfranchising non-Jews or other such activities so routinely indulged in by the state of Israel. It is known from observational studies that these films make Christian Americans cry with shame, so that their tears then blind them to Israeli atrocities. It also makes it easier to scream "Anti-Semite!" at any American who questions why Israel has done for 60 years what the Nazis only did for 13.

Officials here in Tehran had been trying to dismiss these movies. "We know that often Jews just release such movies, or re-run 'Schindler's List' on TV, simply to keep billions of U.S. aid dollars rolling in. So we didn't say anything at the release of the first two movies, especially given how pointless they seemed.", said a highly placed member of Iranian Homeland Security. "And when 'Valkyrie' came out, well, it wasn't specifically about Jews...but now we've this 'Defiance', and instead of stupid, it's militant...we knew we had to speak out."

At this point, the government is ordering all citizens in Tehran and in cities that contribute to our future nuclear capability to have three days of food and water on hand and plenty of duct tape. Know that if you die in the upcoming attack, that Allah will avenge you. And thank a merciful Allah now for the Israelis giving us such ample warning.

edit Sources

Personal tools
projects