UnNews:Fountain Of Youth Found!!!
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Fountain Of Youth Found!!!
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Sunday, February 14, 2016, 19:55:UTC)(
23 May 2008
Phoenix, Arizona -- On May 23rd 2008 the Fountain Of Youth was finally discovered. Police haven't released all the details, but this is what we know so far. Apparently strange noises were heard from John McCain's house and a Mexican who building him a pool called the police. The following conversation is recorded.
“Nueve-Uno-Uno! There is a problemo at this casa.”
Unfortunately, no-one answered. However, the police came anyways to arrest the illegal immigrant until he was finally able to tell him about the problem. Upon hearing the information the police entered John McCain's house only to find his old wife who still looks like a 30 year old desperate house wife bathing. Doing what police always do (nothing), they simply took a water sample from the bath, arrested the illegal immigrant and left.
Upon further analysis of the water sample scientist have found that, in fact, John McCain's wife, Cindy McCain, does hold the fountain of youth. This explains why she is still alive and hot despite being 60 decades old.
When the police came to confiscate the fountain, they were unable to so. Being extremely rich, she bought them off and still bathes in it regularly. You can buy samples of the water if you wish. Cindy holds herself an E-Bay account and has a one gallon purchase up for bid. So far the #1 bidder is Hillary Clinton. This explains where her campaign money has gone.
- Bill O' Reilly "[foxnews.com Fountain Of Youth]". Fox News(always the truth ;)), May 23, 2008