UnNews:Former Obama taxi driver calls media "unfair" in yet another display of despicable radicalism
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Former Obama taxi driver calls media "unfair" in yet another display of despicable radicalism
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, December 2, 2016, 18:14:UTC)(
26 April 2008
NEW YORK, New York -- Last month, controversy erupted around the campaign of Barack Obama after it was revealed that his former taxi driver Gus McElbow Jr. once made several highly controversial statements about America (full story). Now, in an exclusive interview with UnNews, McElbow has accused the American media of being unfair. This ridiculous accusation is yet more proof that he is a revolting, radical, America-hating leftist.
McElbow showed up two minutes late for the interview, revealing that he was a moron as well as a Terrorist. When he sat down, he offered his hand to me as if he wanted to shake it, but I knew better--if he did get hold of my hand, he'd probably crush it with his mighty Satanic grip. So I didn't shake his hand.
The first question I asked, of course, was "How does it feel knowing you'll burn in the fiery depths of Hell for eternity once you die?" He said, "Wait just a moment, that's not fair," in his typically tricky, evasive way. I was too clever for him, though. "ANSWER THE QUESTION!" I screamed. He said, "I honestly don't think I'm going to Hell. The media has taken part of a speech I made 20 years ago and blown it up."
That's right folks, this God-bashing, America-hating sodomite thinks he isn't going to Hell. Seriously! I laughed at that point, at which point he seemed vaguely upset for some reason. But he calmed himself down; I imagine he used some sort of black magic.
I then asked him my next perfectly reasonable and fair and balanced question: "Do you think Barack Obama is as patriotic as you are?" He seemed even more flustered by this, probably because he made some sort of horrible Satanist Vow with Obama not to betray his trust. He then said, "Look, I don't even know Obama, I just drove him in a taxi once to a movie theater. He didn't even tip me very well." I responded with the tremendously excellent question, "How much do you think he would have tipped you if he knew you despised everything to do with our great and Godly country?"
McElbow responded with probably the most outrageous anti-Americanism ever uttered during an interview: "The American media is quite unfair, you know. The unfairness shines gloriously every election season as they pick some trivial bullshit to report on instead of the issues that actually matter. Right now, you could be doing an in-depth examination of our economy's impending collapse and how it might be prevented, or you could discuss the issues of the Iraq war, or maybe you could even talk about something not relevant to your own plastic nation, like the continuing crisis in Darfur that I've never even seen mentioned in your news programs..."
At this point, I stuffed my fingers in my ears because I was afraid he might use his magical powers to hypnotise me or brain wash me. As I surveyed him, I noticed that his shoes were white. The same color as the robes of the Ku Klux Klan. So Obama's half black, but he's also a white supremacist. Fascinating. I also observed that McElbow's shirt had been made in China, which clearly indicated that he was a brutal Communist. I briefly wondered what "Darfur" was, before remembering that it's some unimportant small country filled with elephants and black people.
Anyway, I chased him out of my office with a broomstick at that point, because I didn't want him poisoning the atmosphere in there any longer with his vicious America-hating tungue. Americans must keep this traitor in mind when they head to the voting booths in the few remaining Democratic primaries.
- Associated Press "Wright says media unfair and devious--the stupid bastard!". Fox News, April 26, 2008