UnNews:Foreigners don't understand democracy, says Bush
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-microsecond misinformation.
7 August 2006
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
WASHINGTON, DC, GNN (GOANNA NEWS NETWORK) -- Foreigners don't understand the basic principles of democracy, a frustrated US President George Bush whined yesterday.
"Yup, these for'ners jes don' seem ter git it," he said. "When the 'Nighted States done give you d'mocracy y'all have gotta do it right. It don't mean all y'all kin jes go out and vote fer Hamas in Gaza or Hezbollah in Lebanon, fer instance.
"Jes look at I-raq right now. We all done give them d'mocracy and they's all voting for Shi'ite clerics and such and trying to turn the place into a new I-ran or somesuch. That ain't how it works, y'all. Y'all don't see Americans voting for radical Christians what have got a deluded sense of divine mission or something."
The President seemed to be increasingly agitated during his impromptu harangue of journalists in the White House Rose Garden, despite the soothing ministrations of White House press secretary Tony Snow, who remains an administration mouthpiece despite having left Fox News.
"Nope, and this ain't nothin' new, y'all," continued the President. "Why, I was talking to Hank Kissinger jes th' other day and he done told me it's all been happening before. Like in 1973, when them folks in Chile elected that goldurned socialist Salvador Allende, and Pressidun Nixon -- may the Lord rest his soul -- had to get rid of him and put the good General Pinochet in charge.
"Now Hank believes we should go back into Nicaragua jes so as to make sure them Nicaraguans don't go and elect the Sandinistas once again, but I says to him, I says, 'But Hank, they's got that socialist Chavez in Venezuela what's mo' important on account of them Venezuelans has got all the oil, or so Condi tells me, I think.'
"Now I couldn't rightly hear what Hank had to say to that on account of he was laughin' so hard, but I think he would agree with me when I say to the world 'All y'all for'ners jes cannot go around doing whatever takes yer fancy with yer own democracy what we done give yer. It was America whom invented democracy, so y'all had better listen up good when we tells yer how best ter use it.' "