UnNews:Ford says lost $5.8 billion might be at ex-girlfriend's place
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Ford says lost $5.8 billion might be at ex-girlfriend's place
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Monday, February 27, 2017, 18:14:UTC)(
23 October 2006
DEARBORN, Mich. - Ford Motor Co. said Monday that it's looked everywhere for the $5.8 billion the company lost in the third quarter, and concluded it's probably in some pants the company left at its ex-girlfriend's apartment when they broke up.
Ford has been weighed down by the costs of its massive restructuring plan aimed at reshaping the company and cutting expenses so it can compete better against lower-cost rivals from overseas, and just hasn't had time or inclination to go over to her place and retrieve the pants.
The $5.8 billion is the largest quarterly loss in more than 14 years for the nation's second biggest automaker, and company officials predicted things would get worse in the fourth quarter as several other chicks it knows might break up and keep its stuff.
Ford's new chief executive, Alan Mulally, called the latest results unacceptable, but said he was encouraged by Ford's progress in turning itself around by trying not to leave so much stuff at any one chick's place.
"Let's make it clear. These results are unacceptable. We know where we are with our cash and why we're where we are," he said in a conference call with reporters and industry analysts. "And we have to work on breaking up with chicks in a friendly way, and not to call them 'bitches' and 'whores' when we move out."