UnNews:Football Match Takes Place; Somebody Wins
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Football Match Takes Place; Somebody Wins
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, August 31, 2016, 08:05:UTC)(
24 April 2007
Two teams played each other at football yesterday and, amazingly, one of them won. In an incredible turn of events, one player kicked the ball between the opposition's goal-posts, resulting in a goal. Fifty thousand grown men leapt up and down in jubilation. The match, which could go a long way towards deciding which team finishes 12th in some league, involved 22 people kicking a ball around for an hour and a half. This reporter spoke to winning team manager some guy after the game:
"I can't stress enough how important this result is to us. We can now have realistic ambitions of finishing one place higher in the league. I'm really proud of the lads; really going for it out there until the final whistle. You wouldn't think offering people who would otherwise be unemployed £10,000 per week would be enough to make them give their all, but I suppose that's what's so great about this team. The crowd were great out there today too. To have all these thousands of people spending half their wages on adding and an insignificant amount to the doubtful phsychological boost that is associated with playing in front of a full stadium in fantastic. But it will be worth it for all the fans and players when, in fifty years time, they can show their grandchildren some old book or website which will have in it: |12th|Some team|45|, instead of |13th|Some team|42|.
In other news some more teams played each other yesterday; some of whom lost and some of whom won, and thousands of Africans died from totally preventable diseases.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|