UnNews:Following new study results, Bachmann proposes incarcerating all African Americans

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15 July 2011

Prison-sante

Prison: life-giver to African Americans

MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA -- Michelle Bachmann's campaign came out strongly in favor of incarcerating African Americans today after a new study was released.

According to Reuters, "Black men are half as likely to die at any given time if they're in prison than if they aren't, suggests a new study of North Carolina inmates." The article goes on to explain that being in prison protects them from drug and alcohol-related deaths, as well as fatal accidents and chronic health problems.

Michele-bachmann-nuts

Michelle Bachmann: savior of America!

The study has led to many discussions as to its authenticity and possible implications. A majority of politicians have avoided talking about the study, but one has jumped on the opportunity:

"I believe we can do better than Obamacare. The President doesn't get that, but I do," said Republican Presidential candidate Michelle Bachmann.

Bachmann's opening statements were met with a wide-eyed, drool-accompanied round of applause.

After the applause died down, Bachmann continued, "We can do one step better, especially for our minorities. I refuse to continue to live in an America where they don't have access to free health care! So, starting the day that I am sworn in as your first female President, I will suggest a motion in Congress for a bill to incarcerate all African Americans. This is my America! And in my America, we shouldn't have such high death rates from such preventable causes!"

This caused the crowd to go wild, and froth at the mouth.

Meanwhile, most experts have pondered how Bachmann's proposed policy would differ from current US policy.


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