UnNews:Florists celebrate the death of Nelson Mandela
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Florists celebrate the death of Nelson Mandela
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, February 23, 2018, 10:29:UTC)(
10 December 2013
Flower shops world-wide (except in North Korea) were emptied of all their stock, as fans of the great man cleaned out every available rose, tulip, and blade of elephant grass. Delighted florists closed early and ordered fresh supplies to replace those that had been sent to South Africa to feed the poor.
Thanking the 'great man' for 'passing on' just in time for the Holidays, flower seller Eliza Doolittle said Nelson was 'a good man who did a lot for us on ships, and had beaten the Frenchies'. When asked if she was mixing up Admiral Horatio Nelson and Nelson Mandela, Miss Doolittle burst into a song-and-dance with a troop of stage cockneys:
Just you wait, 'enry 'iggins, just you wait! You'll be sorry, but your tears'll be to late! You'll be broke, and I'll have money
And she danced around Covent Garden, knocking over tourists and shoppers as they went.
Speaking on behalf of flower sellers world-wide, Eliza's father, former World War 2 airline hero Alfred Doolittle, said a 'death was always good for business' and recalled that though Mandela was big, he was no Princess Diana when it came to 'saying it with flowers.'