UnNews:First Lady gives absolution on eating healthy

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First Lady gives absolution on eating healthy

Straight talk, from straight faces

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5 November 2014

Michelle Obama

The First "Lady" had already gotten an absolution on federal rules requiring healthy eating, to go with her exemption on having to treat constituents with dignity.

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- First "Lady" Michelle Obama, following in the footsteps of her husband's dozens of Obama-care "waivers" to labor unions and other favored interests, granted Negroes absolution on eating healthy food, provided they vote the straight Democratic Party ticket first.

Miz Obama spoke on a talk radio program called News One for Black America, saying "I give everyone full permission to eat some fried chicken after they vote."

White House lawyers said the declaration of the First "Lady" will not relieve restaurants serving fried chicken of their duty under the Obama health care law to put annoying nutrition information on their menus. And voting-age blacks who are still in high school will still have to purchase and discard compliant meals with broccoli and carrots before going across the street for their fried chicken — because paying twice to get things the way you want them is another basis of Obama-care. Miz Obama warned members of the Negro herd not to purchase their chicken at Chick-Fil-A, which "worships false gods."

No one claimed that Miz Obama was treating blacks as stereotypical, easily bought off, or interested only in creature comforts. This is because she is a black person and thus has an absolution of her own. Besides, her husband put all three assertions beyond doubt when he was given similar passes in the elections of 2008 and 2012. It was at that time that Miz Obama became the spokeswoman for the Negro race, acquiring the title that had been shared by Don King and Al Sharpton. By comparison, a Boston Herald cartoonist who penned a strip mentioning watermelon-flavored toothpaste in the White House spent all of last week in disciplinary meetings with his newspaper's Personnel Department.

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UnNews Senior Editors are currently arguing over the gender-neutrality of this related article:

Democrats take a beating

Miz Obama told the radio listeners, "I think that a good victory for Democrats on Tuesday, you know, should be rewarded with some fried chicken." Unfortunately, although listeners got their vittles, the Democrats did not get their victory. Another dozen seats in the House of Representatives, and the majority in the Senate, fell to the Republican Party. Which is racist.

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