UnNews:Fire + Microwave = Boom? Yeah.

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Fire + Microwave = Boom? Yeah.

Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?

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26 June 2008

NHR Explosion


Since the beginning of time, Man has asked himself "Fire + Microwave = Boom?" Many philosophers such as Davinci and Ringo Starr have pondered around this cosmic question, but have all come up with the same answer "Maybe, I'm not trying!" Obviously lacking primary male anatomy (Testicles/Balls) of a greater being. However even the punks on the show "Mythbusters" would not even approach the issue, So the Un-News team of Investigators went out, the bust this myth!

Tuesday June 9th, Palm Springs Missouri Brain Martin and Jeffy Holmes approached the fire pit of Palm Springs Missouri. "So Jeffy, are you up to it?" "Up to what?" "Putting fire in this microwave?" "What the Hell!? I thought we were on a fishing trip you ass! I even brought Brokeback Mountain!" "No you dumbass, I told you about it yesterday!" "Shoot! Well I'm not doing it! You do it!" "What?! No! Ass! You do it!" "You don't have the balls." "What the Hell Jeffy? Since the operation you don't have any either, you have nothing to lose." "Why don't we get some retard to do it for us?" "Good Idea."

Wensday June 10th, Palm Spings Missouri The Two Ventured to Palm Springs Happy Hands club and fetched Jonny Jameson, to help with the experiment. "Jonny, Take this torch to the microwave and run away." "Fire! Fire! Jonny no like fire. Jonny like Pancake! PANCAKES!?" "Yeah, Pancakes after." "IS HE READY JEFFY?!" "Not yet Brain, Okay. I will get you pancakes if you do this." "WHY!?" "Because..... Fire + Microwave = ??? (??? = Boom?) "JONNY DUNNO MAFF. I WANT PANCAKE NOW!!"

Later.... "Okay, Jonnie" "ITS JONNY!" "Okay Jonny, if you put fire in the microwave, We will give you 3 magical ponies, a choco choco chunk cookie, 6 Pancakes and you can star in your own sitcom with Jerry Seinfeld." "Kay!" "Jeffy, you're promising alot of stuff, how do you think we are going to get Jerry Seinfeld to do a sitcom with a Retard?" "Don't Worry Martin, He'll die anyway." "What!?!" . . .



"HOLY SHIT WTF?! OMG JONNY?!" "OMG THAT WAS AWESOME! IT WAS LIKE ALL BOOOOOM!!!!" "JONNY!?!?" "HAH! I AM SO TALKING ABOUT THIS ON MY VLOG!!" "Dude Jeffy?" "Jonny see light.... Jonny all fire" "GO TOWARDS THE LIGHT JONNY!!" "Jeffy! WDF!?" "Dude, if you lives than you have to pay for pancakes, a cookie and A sitcom." "Oh shit yeah."

*Pow Pow"

"Woah, you killed him." "Damn right." "I'm going to... bye!" "HEY GET BACK HERE! I HAVE TO KILL YOU TOO!"

*Pow Pow* "Uhhhhhh.... I'm Dead." "hah. Good thing Un-News forgot I was doing this, and their are no Reporters lurking behind me writing exactly what I say, Do and kill."

Un-News would like to remind readers we do not condole killing Retarded children for fun. For Money, or Black-mail however is fair game. Remember to go to Church every Sunday, respect your parents, read the Bible, Never have sex with a Man, Read Un-News everyday and have a healthy breakfast every morning consisting of Fruits, Grain and Milk produce in order to stay alive.

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