UnNews:Finally Bowing to Increasing Pressure, 50s Cafe Changes Seating, Hiring Policies

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3 January 2008

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A Johnny Rocket's dining room.

ALISO VIEJO, California - Patric Rayburn, spokesperson for (50's-themed restaurant) Johnny Rockets Group, Inc., stated that the company is making efforts to "finally to move into the 21st century," during a news briefing earlier today.

"To keep up with the health concerns of the times, will start serving Diet Coca-Cola, use lower fat meats and utilize low-fat milk in our milkshakes", said Rayburn during the early-morning press conference. "We are currently implementing new hiring practices that will include the possibility of hiring negroes, who will from here on out be referred to as African-Americans, for all possible positions. Currently, neg... African-Americans can only hold the position of janitor. Furthermore, we will be removing all signs that state `Whites Only,` and we will be integrating bathrooms in a way that only segregates them by gender. We feel that these changes are necessary to keep up our sales in such a competitive market."

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Janitor Goldie Wilson is highly excited about his new job opportunities.

Kweisi Mfume, president of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People, said that he was pleased with the changes Johnny Rockets is making. He expressed his sentiments with the following text through an e-mail to many news agencies:

Previously, us African-Americans were unable to eat at or work for such a well-thought-out restaurant, due to segregation rules. Now that they've changed their policies, African-Americans will be happy to be employed by such a great employer. We fully endorse the changes being made by this corporation.

Upon hearing the NAACP's endorsement of their new policies, Rayburn called us on his cellular phone and said, "I'm very pleased that these sweeping changes to our policies will be helping both our company and members of many communities".

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