UnNews:Film documents death by fast food

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3 January 2011

Darkpret poster
The promotional poster. Notice that well off liberal. His worldview is sickening and socialist. He's also Aryan blond, so probably a Nazi as well. Just like Prêt.

EDINBURGH, United Kingdom -- A British Morgan Spurlock wannabe has been living on nothing but Prêt a Manger for a month. This character has been eating nothing but the soup of the day, toasty’s and vegetarian sushi. The consumption of only vegetarian options has been cited as the reason that got ill. This has been wildly refuted by various alternative organizations that see the film as a propaganda piece by other Fast Food outlets keen to capitalize on the apathy of consumers.

The film has sparked controversy amongst food critics, with its uncompromising expose of the health effects of the vegetarian options. The filmmakers explained that, “While initially our Guinea pig held up fine, he found that the food was simply unsatisfying. This was coupled by a lack of choice and this often included a variety of "edible sandwiches." Unfortunately, the film showed that no one could be expected to live off these, long-term.

Vegetarians everywhere were outraged when the shocking business practices came to light. These criticisms included the nature of the food over a long time instead of going home and making yourself something decent, and the fact that Prêt was run by exploitative capitalists. This is borne out by McDonald's owning a significant portion of the London-based company. Because the film makes this explicit, audiences have vowed never to go to McDonald's again. The nail in the proverbial coffin came when it emerged that the company sourced foreign labour to work in the acid pits beneath the outlets.

The filmmakers claimed to be inspired by the recent spate of whiny films about the evils of fast food. However, they also wanted to be able to live on the expensive Prêt food for a while, and the film provided ample excuse and funding from Fox Searchlight pictures. Producer Philip Radzinsky commented,

"One thing I'll say, Prêt knows how to feed a herbivore... but duration is the problem, and sustaining a Prêt diet is fill with obstacles. Most notably the cost, but also the whole back-story of how Prêt was like acid in our fat middle class insides."

The first week was acceptable, although as the weeks went on, it became clear that the long-term survival of the testee was in question, the experiment was stopped by producers, who felt that the Prêt diet would elicit death and long-term illness of the "testee" as he was known. After thirty days of qualitative research: A.) He no longer liked Prêt food and B.) He stopped eating it, which meant he lost quite a bit of weight. He also stopped exercising because a bottle of water cost well over $10.

Pret before-after
The testee was once a vegetarian liberal confident young man. After thirty days of Prêt he looked either like he'd gone more liberal and puny or his cock got the wrong end of a monkey.

The testee did appreciate the friendliness of the overpaid staff, especially by Week Two, when the thought of getting up to an overpriced packet of crisps was the only thing to look forward to. The effects of depression can be underplayed, but in the film it is laid bare to be as serious as the filmmakers point out: Ad nauseam. The lack of interest in sex, the feelings of hopelessness from watching the news, waiting to go and get another meal. This painful mental illness will no doubt raise wider concerns over up-market fast food chains.

When asked why he had undergone this potentially dangerous project, he replied, "It was an amazing way to make money, as most of the people who live on fast food really want to have a go at the companies rather than their stomachs and the votes their wallets make." The film could be viewed as another demonstration of how yet again the working man is hit by yet another "Socialist Style" taxation of spirit in our great country.

The company has been at the receiving end of a great deal of criticism as it has sought to differentiate between its competitors such as McDonald's and Starbucks. Of course, this fissiparous tendency of the company as led to even more media scrutiny, as consumers are anxiously disappointed to find that the difference was only as deep as advertisers desired. Very much a war with words other companies have come of the fold to express why they are very different from the dastardly Prêt a Manger.

The Dark Side of Prêt will be released on January 3rd and our readers around the country will symbolically stop eating at Prêt and go to some other fast food outlet such as the formally controversial McDonalds.

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