UnNews:Fermat's Last Theorem solved at last
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12 August 2007
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MOSCOW, Maine, the former USSR -- After more than three hundred years, the mystery of the infamous Last Theorem postulated by Fermat has finally been disproved by an unlikely team of mathematicians working night and day against the clock.
Professor Ladebak Posthumous of the Russian School of Ballet commented: "This is a fantastic breakthrough. The last obstacle to the Apocalypse and the end of the universe has now been removed." He announced his intention to "enjoy" himself, and made a vague reference to "the widow next door." He was last seen striding purposely towards his abode, clutching a bottle of vodka and an expensive salami sausage.
The Last Theorem was postulated by Pierre de Fermat, a famous lawyer and mathematician. Fermat's Last Theorem states that:
it is impossible to separate any power higher than the second into two like powers |
or, even more obscurely:
if an integer is greater than 2, then the equation has no solutions in non-zero integers , , and . |
Other than its proven connection with the Apocalypse and the end of the universe, the Last Theorem is of little or, more precisely, no consequence.
The Last Theorem was disproved by a multidisciplinary team, working on tandem bicycles in various locations around the globe. The first to recognize the breakthrough was the famous cartoon character, mathematician and movie star Homer Simpson, who, in a fit of anger, attempted to annoy everybody with the sound of chalk on a blackboard. When he saw what he had scribbled, however, his "blood ran cold." Fortunately, the entire incident was recorded on video, giving us an unprecedented glimpse of our own mortality and the fragility of the universe.
This thought-provoking viewing is captured in an episode of The Simpsons, "Treehouse of Horror VI". In the three-dimensional world which "Homer^{3}" inhabits, the equation is visible, just as the universe begins to collapse. This makes absorbing viewing, best enjoyed with a bottle of good vodka, expensive salami, and the widow next door.
Homer Simpson repeats the feat in a in a later episode, "The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace": where the sinister equation appears, thus reversing the Big Bang. Viewer discretion is advised.
In a separate development, the equation is said to have been originally solved by a scientist by the name of Enzo Vallenzetti (also the creator of the Vallenzetti Equation) sometime in the late 1960s. However due to his eccentric nature, after having the proof verified by his colleagues, Vallenzetti is said to have burned his work so that, according to his assistant, "others could have as much fun solving it as he did".
Another movie star and mathematician, Elizabeth Hurley, provided the last piece of the puzzle. in the movie Bedazzled, Hurley played the devil who, in one of her many forms, appeared as a school teacher. In this particular scene the blackboard behind her reads: "Tonight's homework: Prove ". No proof was forthcoming, thus disproving the theorem.
Unrelated to these events, vodka sales have unaccountably soared beyond expectations.
edit Sources
- Dr. Suess "Fermat in the Hat". Hibbery Gibbery, August 12, 2007